(Intro from Part 1)
As many of you all know—I desire to be married. Really, I do. In a very earnest and sincere way. But I’ve recently challenged myself to compare my life today as Eve Un-Yoked to how it would be if I had “the infamous ring” resting on my left hand.
What happens if/when I get married? How does my life change?
What would I do differently? What would I see and understand differently?
People always says that you’re never prepared for marriage. Marriage is something that you learn how to do. You have to learn how to be a good wife. He will learn how to be a husband. It takes work. It takes a lifetime of learning. I get it. I understand. But after a recent conversation with a married friend I had to ask myself:
“Eve, are you really ready to carry the Weight of the Ring?”
Part 3
BALANCING THE LOAD
We have this way of thinking at my job. We call it “work-life balance”, but I’ve noticed that very few of us have it.
I worked late that day. Which I often do.
Its no biggie. No one’s waiting on me.
I don’t have kids to pick up from daycare. I don’t have school plays to get to. Heck, I don’t even have dinner to prepare, so what does it matter. A gentleman walks past my desk. As he says goodnight he reminds me how late its getting. I look across the office building. The window revealing that the sun’s gone down. Shoot, I parked in the satellite parking lot. I have a pretty good trek to make it to my car. Turning back around, I reach out to touch my Android screen. As I unlock my cellphone, my gold heart ring reminds me how negligent I am.
You should have left much earlier. We’re married today.. how could you forget, you have children now. You can’t stay late like this!
I’m cleaning up my desk. Putting things away to prep for the next morning. I’m tired anyway. I stand up, pushing my desk chair in. As I walk away from my desk, I spin the ring with my thumb. It will still take you another hour and a half to make it back home. What about homework? What about dinner? By the time you get in, it will be past the kids’ bedtime. Even if Daddy has fed and bathed them, you’ve missed all that family time. All that quality time. You missed it because you were working.
That day was a long day. I’m getting off of the interstate. Excited because I am almost home. I’m so ready to take my shoes off, to just go to bed, to just be done. But….
Mommies aren’t done when they get home. Mommies may take off heels and put on bedroom shoes, but there’s more work to do. They clean kitchens, they read stories, they check in with spouses, they cater, they build up, they speak life.. it’s a job.. it’s a responsibility. Mommies don’t just go home and go straight to bed… like I was planning on doing.
I heard the Gospel Artist/Actress Tamela Mann say that she and her husband could never have “work life balance”. That doesn’t exist to them. In her eyes, the term “work-life balance” implies that both are getting the same amount of time. Well, that doesn’t happen in their household. Their family is a focus. It receives most their time. Their family, their marriage, is a much bigger priority. IT HAS TO BE.
I failed here big time that night. I did exactly what I said I would. I went inside my apartment. No one greeted me when I opened my front door. Its late, but no one wondered what took me so long to get home. No one asked me about my long day. No one called out “Mommy” when I came through the door. There were no little arms wrapped around my legs as I entered my living room. No voices questioning me, whining, or wanting to show me something/play a game. There were no smiles, no tears, no days’ events to discuss. There was nothing. Just me. I walked straight pass the dishes in the sink, threw something in the trash and then went upstairs. I didn’t say anything. The TV wasn’t turned on. The apartment was quiet. I stayed in darkness. No noise, no lights. No nothing.
Bed. Priority. Now. I took off every item of clothing, and climbed into bed. No dinner, no shower, no reading, no prayer even…
And as I turned over in bed to make myself more comfortable, the weight of my ring reminding me of future wifely duties. Gosh [Eve], if Adam was laying next to you, naked like this, there’s no way you’d just be going to sleep. Your husband is here. He loves you. You may be tired, but he may be in need of something. You’re his favorite girl and he hasn’t seen you all day….
[To be continued….]
Eve Unyoked 