How I played myself…

So lemme tell you guys how I played myself….

For months I have been “crushing” on my pastor’s son! I pay attention to what he’s wearing, where he is in the sanctuary, who he’s conversing with, etc. Seriously, straight middle school/high school shenanigans! To be perfectly transparent (which is the norm when it comes to my writing) I must admit the brother has no idea who I am! We’ve never formally met, though we’ve had 2 non-distinctive run-ins at church. **And I say non-distinctive because though these run-ins meant something to me, that doesn’t mean they meant something to him. Since I’m crushing hard it could be that I’v e read far too much into these two random encounters.

Anyway, its 3:25am and sleep is nowhere in sight. I get up, go into the living room and turn on the t.v.

Willie Moore Jr.’s #FlatoutTV is on and he’s interviewing comedian Griff. During the interview Griff starts talking about the relationship he has with his wife and how he prayed for a specific  type of woman. Griff explained that one day after meeting her 5 years previously, she walked into the room and a voice that was not his said: “Griff, that’s her”.

Willie Moore, Jr. then explains: “LADIES, IT’S IMPORTANT  TO LET A MAN HEAR FROM GOD CONCERNING YOU.” #MessageAlert

Immediately I felt ashamed!

You see, sometimes, I get anxious. Sometimes I act before thinking. And sometimes I just jack myself up in every direction.

 

One week ago, I was on Facebook and went to my crush’s page. #StalkerAlert

Yes, I sent him a friend request.

Yes, I sent him a DM too!

Straight played myself because its been 8 days and NOTHING.

He did not accept nor did he reply!                                                                                                           (and yes, he’s been on the book since then!!)

His FB home page probably like:

images (14)

I’m woman enough to say I was doing too much! I’m woman enough to say I clearly missed the signs. If he wanted to connect he would have. Or at least responded to my DM, right? (I mean, I’ve purposefully ignored direct messages if they are coming from people that shouldn’t be contacting me. Admit it, you’ve done it too!)

Any way, since my invite and my DM were completely IGNORED I was obviously making too much out of very little. Maybe that’s why the Bible says that woman was created for man (1 Corin. 11:9) or that a man who findeth a wife obtains favor (Prov. 18:22). Who am I to make sure our lives intersect? Why am I seeking, when I should be the one sought? How out of order is that?

Worse yet, I don’t even know this man. Nor does he know me! Why would I feel the need to even go there?  Trying to “make stuff happen” when that’s not my place. And having a Ruth moment could be my excuse, I could say that’s why I did it, but that would be a lie. The circumstances are definitely not the same. And honestly, I haven’t even prayed about this man. I just have a “feeling” (which could very well be mis-placed).

The questiIMG_7702on now is… do I cancel the friend invite???

Does that make things WORSE?? ugh! #SocialMediaProblems

Let me know what I should do?

Thanks for reading!

Eve Un-Yoked

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One thought on “How I played myself…

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