(Can you LOVE and be IN-LOVE at the same time?)
I am beginning to piece together some of my own personal fallacies.
One of my current struggles is whether or not you can love someone and be in-love with them all at the same time. Do you really have to?
My first experience with love came full-force. I was unprepared for it. At 18 years old, I was vibrant and open to anything experience he wanted to share with me. It felt good to have him around and I craved any time I got with him. I was so in love that other more-important priorities suffered at the expense of wanting more and more exposure to this “couple-ship” he & I had created. I often explain to people that we were so focused on being LOVERS that there was no room for a genuine friendship to exist. But this wisdom came years after the relationship ended. I was so in love with him I couldn’t see beyond me being the ‘other half’. I failed to see ways we were hurting each other for the sake of maintaining our relationship. I felt everything; the good, the bad, the ugly. Feelings had been the driving force for years and in the end feelings between us two were all there was. Sometimes being in love blinds you to what could be easily seen if you were to step outside your relationship for just a moment.
I was in love and could only see US.
Today, I reflect on a guy that I have known for a number of years. We started out innocent and flirty, with a beginning that is typical between two teenagers, but now the pulse of the relationship has changed. I am not sure how we got to where we are, but the ebbs and flow of our relationship has created a protective hedge around us both. Long-story-short, we have never been a couple. Always planning, always discussing, always attempting to develop a relationship… it’s been 15 years, still no real couple. Yesterday I was having a discussion about him and the question came up: “Krystal, does he love you?” My response was an unequivocal “Yes. He does”. I had never thought about it before, but the answer came before I thought it through. Only he can confirm whether this is true or not, but I will admit that I have always felt loved by him. And because I am beginning to understand what real love looks like, I may not be ready to admit that I love him in return, but it’s definitely there. There is no giddiness, no butterflies, and no sweaty palms between the two of us. There is reliance, stability, trust and honesty. I don’t know what he loves sexually. I don’t know any of his favorite foods. I have no idea how to make him feel better when he’s down. But I do know I want to be a woman he doesn’t have to worry about. I want to be strong enough to carry burdens for us both if he should ever tire. I would like to be someone he can depend on because I know that is what he needs.
Now, I love a man who I haven’t taken the time to fall in love with.
Its two sides of the same love coin. As I get older, and become way too introspective, I wonder do you need to love and be in-love simultaneously. That would be ideal, but is it detrimental to have one and not the other? Which do you think is more important? Can you love someone that you’re not in love with? I am sure some in the Unification Church would affirm the latter, but is that fair to the relationship? Is it fair to sync with people because love always wins, emotions removed. Isn’t LOVE the end-goal anyway?
And please don’t judge me, as I said before I am beginning to piece together some of my own personal fallacies.
Feel free to comment, correct, or commend.