It’s Just Too Much

It’s Just too Much
by k.DeMarie (may 2014)

Sometimes it’s just too much.

Sometimes all I see is chocolate skin, visions of him
better, stronger, more stealth than me
unafraid to stand his ground,
Carved and hand-Made. A poiema- type brother. Strong thighs, deep voice, thick lips just for me.

A warrior of woman. I love the way he leads.
Direct, assured Man. The strength and seed of this family.

He knows my heart, loves me pure
challenging me to find more of him
An unfailing love, his heart endures. “The Now” preferred to what’s in store.

He will not wait
His love UNSAVED, Unbridled, and exposed
He gives without restraint because that’s all he’s ever known.

Not out of order
he’s Christ within so it’s no game with him
reminds me that if our love does not Honor God—then following our own misguided flesh
is nothing else but sin.

I love his look..his passion complex, though his body not yet mine
some days so hard we have to walk away just to keep our covenant signs
We’ll love like Maya’s poem one day
later, when we wed
an eternal love beyond the bed: loving In-and-Out, In-and-Out, In-and-Out of Time

He sweeps me off my feet.
I’m blinded by his aura. the taste of him unyielding. I’m never satisfied.
my mission was to conquer yet it seems he has no end. I’m always searching, seeking, finding new ways to love and learn of him.

He honors me.
incites me to feel
blows on my neck
as he stands at my back, so I know his love his real.

He engages.
He listens.
He vows to always be true.
Ever mindful of my words,
pretty little lies he sees right through.

The gatekeeper of my heart, my spirits rests in his laugh. I tap dance on his last nerves, and he never lets me forget.

He holds my hand when I’d rather walk alone.
says I’ll always be enough
wants me to be whatever me that needs
his love until our death.

I spout off ways to disregard him, but I’ve not gone anywhere just yet.

His forearm holds my waist sometimes
when my head is hung real low
it’s by his side that I find my bearing
his wisdom, hushed and slow.
He’s calm when he gets my attention. Wants me to understand what I am hearing.
he loves me simply in these moments. His love words whispered and endearing.

He watches all ebbs of me
and says my flow is rough
but his vessel is more than capable
of managing seas this tough.

He says he’s not afraid. It’s just some water, and he’ll be fine.
my chaotic love… a crazy day..
no way he knew what to do
instead of pulling the sail, he drops the anchor
waiting , watching to see my destructiveness execute.

I always say what’s wrong
choice words that tear down and not rebuild
you’d think his own dilapidation
would make him reverse his gears,

but he longs to see me made better
It’s kinda patronizing in the worst of ways
says that he’ll kill himself until he has me
the perfect colored girl to match his many shades.

He’s him without end
more than I could ever imagine
and when he comes to me like this
I get anxious to see it happen.

Sometimes it’s just too much.
Sometimes all I see is chocolate skin, visions of him.
They flood my mind on cue
I have to pray, he seems so close.
I get antsy awaiting his love—inspecting each man through and through.
The next one could really be him,
I’m shouting as I shake his hand—excited about something new.
But God steadies me, slows my mind
directs my heart to calm so I am not consumed.

The promise after 29 years, oftentimes I whine
He must be prepared for you- God whispers
Good things like him take time.

His searching through life’s maze for me
The wait keeps a girl on guard
because it just a matter of moments
before God sends this man to find my heart.

-K.deMarie (May2014)

 

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